I guess I’m waiting for the day when things are easier and I can begin to trust again.
I’m not sure when I stopped trusting other human beings. But it came on light the sunlight through the clouds. Tentative at first, then the clouds burned away. And just like that *poof* there was no more trusting anything.
But what I really want is for something or someone to finally enter my life and just…make it all okay. I don’t know why I can’t find that.
my room right now, is one of the most peaceful, creatively stimulating, lovely spaces i’ve ever had to call my own :) these photos are for myself, to document this special place i’ve been staying over the past few months being in my hometown. soon i’ll be on the road again..
oh my gods, dream room!
I am wasting my 1,000th post to tell you all this is my 1,000th post….whoever out there might care about such things…
I was with you in the night. We ran through the neighborhoods together as the sun went down.
Afterwards, when the stars had risen, we sat on the bed talking. And as the sun rose, I knew you would have to go. I didn’t want it to happen.
But somehow I knew it was the right thing.
And as you left, someone else walked in. I hadn’t wanted you to ever cross paths, and you shook hands as past and present parted ways.
As the event transpired I desperately wanted to call you back. But that’s the past now.
And I opened my eyes, and sunlight was shining onto my bed. Where I sleep, typically alone. Attempting to make sense of these things.
Of all the words
of mice and men,
the saddest are,
‘It might have been’. ”
Kurt Vonnegut (via lilysofthefield)
What do you mean, vet’s office? YOU SAID WE WERE GOING TO THE PHILHARMONIC!
I must have this for my black feline…
(Source: bluebonne, via gamadeus)
My life is not my own. It never has been.
When I was four I wore a purple velvet dress with white lace around the neck.
It was “picture day.” The boy I didn’t like pushed me and I fell on rocks. My hands were cut, and you could see the bruises in the pictures.
The awkward kid in middle school. I was not like the rest of them, as hard as I tried. My breasts wouldn’t grow and I had no reason for bras like the other girls. They had a real knack to finding my weaknesses.
I fell in love with a stranger in high school. I felt too bad to say “no” when he asked me out. And we were together for almost 4 years. I might have stayed with him forever if not for our inability to be honest.
Friends move, love changes, and life forces onward. To places it perhaps never should have. Love cut short by choices which were not my own. As fate would have it we weren’t meant to be together. You fell in love with the girl who gives you the best acid and pot.
Perhaps it all started when I didn’t push that boy back when I stood up in my purple dress with my little black heels on. That day I chose to let life happen to me, whatever may come. And I chose then to never fight against it. Instead I let it wash over me. Drowning in the river of it, coughing back against it.
The cat’s existential questioning had become increasingly tedious.
(Photo: J Bennet Fitts; Dwell)
Walked in the cold of the early evening to the other side of the town.
Carrying the scent of pies and beer, and a long gone love left across the city.
Went traveling to the other side of reality, where they play Celtic music and dance a jig.
And the boys all smoked from their pipes, which changed color with the tar build up from so much use.
Hair braided and they were connected with each other more than the boys with the suits and ties and expensive drinks in their hands across the city.
Danced the jig till dawn, watching the women with flowers tied to their arms, dangling down to the floor and spilling into their eyes, here in the building across the city.