I dont need a tattoo. I have scars on my thigh that tell you all you need to know.1
As per usual I maintain that I’m just not good with that whole human contact thing over a long span of time. I guess this is good because I am typically alone all day….wouldn’t want to be lonely or anything.1
One of these days you will see me for who I really am.1
Walking through smoke
A few days ago I was lurking on the facebook page of my first boyfriend.
I mainly check it because we were best friends for 4 years and I still (yes still) think about him. Not in some romantic “I pine for you” sort of way. Just…we basically did nothing but be together for 4 years and that’s still something I don’t understand the loss of.
In any case, he changed a lot after we broke up. I still blame myself for that change…it was not for the best.
I don’t know the story. He dated after me briefly. They weren’t good for him, and I say that as someone who knows him better than anyone else ever has. I still believe that.
In the end he didn’t grow up to be a doctor or a therapist. And I’m sure his parents were glad I was gone, but now I don’t know if they would push me away so quickly.
And he said something about “we repeat the same mistakes in relationships over and over again forever till we just figure it out” and that’s wrong. But he said he was too damaged to be close to anyone. That his past haunts him. That he’s unable to really be close to someone like that now.
And I really know I have something to do with that. And I could live my whole life saying I was sorry and I don’t think I could ever be forgiven. And that’s what love does to a person.0
I don’t know why I let you get to me. In the end I feel like this is about control, not about compassion. Let it be known I would never have done this to someone I cared about, never could conceive of such actions or words.
Perhaps the most unsettling part of this is just how fragile relationships can be. The skin of bubbles, floating on the slightest breeze and before long, none are left. Just gone in an instant. I had always thought we were different than that. Bigger and better than all that.
I was wrong, as it often the case with human relationships. Which is why I rather not have them at all most of the time. Humans tend to not do much good for me in the long run. We all just float on a breeze for some time together till we pop.2
Emotions arent my strong suit
I am not amazing at a lot of things.
I am apparently good at isolating myself. And being alone. And not maintaining friendships for very long at all. And I am good at putting you first, even though I think I must be bad at showing it (another thing I must not be amazing at). I am good at feeling bad and just wanting to make things better, and I am bad at saying the right thing.
I just really am sorry, for all the miriad of things I am bad at. And as usual, I can’t ever do anything right.6
Laws of physics
It is difficult to ignore the laws of physics while living. Every action has an equal yet opposite reaction.
No decision is final. It builds and grows as it ripples through life, changing the outcomes of things not even conceived of yet. Nothing stands alone, and as the universe goes, we have no concept of the totality of it all.
Therefore, I have no idea what I am doing, nor have I ever.1
Ok random..but ya know when you hover over a persons picture on the dashboard and there’s like….a little bubble that pops up and there’s the user pic and background and three little pics below it?
Yeah, how are people editing what goes in there?
I fear the words of others will have floated over me and found a sweeter flower.
And the ages will forever forget if I mattered much in the history of anyone at all.0
I’d probably walk around at least half naked all the time…151
Somewhere along the coastline
We sat together watching the beach below us.
Somewhere below there was the noise of the calm sea, and so many people.
I leaned against your small frame. You were younger than the rest of us, and petite for your age already.
Darkened skin and dark black hair landed at your shoulders, and you were beautiful.
The boy I had brought to the beach had his arm around you and your hands gracefully intertwined.
And because I was leaning against your chest, I could feel your heart fluttering as he touched your arm.
I moved away as he pulled you closer, and at some point in time you timidly kissed the boy and mumbled that was her first real kiss.
And through the whole thing I didn’t mention that the boy had kissed me that way just the other day.2
“oh yeah let’s go out today oh oops first i have to walk through this water with seastars ok”
i’d just lie there in the water
I’d love this actually
i think you mean starfish
i wanna go there and stand there like about whole day and just do nothing
Don’t forget the little baby stingray :)